Better late than never

Another new day,the last one was pretty good.I have brooded over so many topics.Sometimes I feel so lucky to be the person I am ,for the lineage I carry but then at times it all feels so captive and clutching.It seems I don't have a 'life' of my own.One of my friends once told me that "you can never be the person you want to be,you will always be carried away by other's wishes and guided by their choices".I did get a little influenced by  what he said and that is how the rebel in me took shape,it arose.It wanted to be free and bust all myths that I carried with me.Arrogance was the latest mantra for me,I was into the mindset which said 'do what YOU wish to,go where YOU want to'.But somewhere within, the good part of me,my conscience asked me,'hey girl,who are you listening to?you are not losing your identity and neither is somebody compelling you for anything,these merely are the wishes of your parents.They want you to be successful in life and they would always think the best for you.Nobody on Earth can be so caring for you as your mom-dad.Huhh!!!The sad part being I still didn't listen to the good part of me and ignored it all as rubbish,this rebellion in me was more because of peer pressure and societal trends,it would not fade so soon,though its life was short lived yet it showed its colors too brightly.I started opposing what my parents told me to do,when dad asked me to do this, I would do that.Never would I listen to them in the first instance.This abruptness in me continued for over six months when one day I was going through my old stuff and found the little elephant my Dad had gifted me when I was a kid(they still think I am one but I got the elephant when I was much younger) .When he gave it to me,he said that."beta,you have to lead your like this giant does,never loses its pride,its dignity,head always held high and most importantly it never responds to anything it thinks is unimportant.Be like that and make yourself and your parents proud.This is all I want from you kiddo".These words of his echoed in my mind for next few hours and made me wonder why was I doing all this,this crummy behavior of mine not only made them unhappy but also it hurt them emotionally as also it was blotting my reputation and my future.I could very well be a dude and a rockstar to my friends but actually I was being a big fool and what what they call 'sanki'.Good that I realized it before it was too late.The credit though must go to my parents because all this while they had been very patient ,they didn't use force upon me which could have made me to oppose more.They took the rod only when it was opportune.What would I be without them.:)    

Lost and left

It was precisely 11:23 in the night when I called him.He said Hii and then broke me the news of our break-up.Not that I was stunned or something but yes I was taken by surprise,I didn't expect something like this.For those of you who do not know ,in a relationship of four good years we have broken up almost four times,we broke up and then we made up.I could actually not figure out how to react to a situation like this.We had not been on great terms for the past one week or so but then putting an end to everything is  not a solution to problems.My heart started pounding again,as it is I never let it be at rest,I keep troubling it with some or the other vexation.I feel so sorry for it.Poor thing,all the time its messed up with something or the other but I can't help it,life has been such for me-full of confusions,heavy weight emotions,expectations and misinterpretations.I was not always this kind,but gradually it has all turned so awful and tough.In such times of adversaries when I needed Pooh with me the most,he left me.Although he never was the support system of my life yet when he was there I was relieved,whenever I spoke to him there was a sense of gratification and love.I have so much to write,so much to share but so less of time....